Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Kramer Vs. Kramer

My husband Eliot and I just received the seventh season of Seinfeld on DVD.

We ordered it long before Michael Richards went on his insane tirade at the Laugh Factory in West Hollywood two weeks ago.

When we unwrapped the mailer it just wasn't the same thrill seeing Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer.

We examined Kramer's face just like Larry David scruitinizes those that he doubts on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

We looked closely at his photo.

Kramer, what have you done with Kramer?

You brought us years of endless laughs.

You were our comic relief after a whole tedious day at the office.

We lived vicariously through you and your antics.

The more we watched you, the more we laughed.

We all longed to live your independent lifestyle .

What have you done with our sweet, loveable, harmless Kramer ?

We spotted you more than 20 years ago on Fox's Friday Night.

You were a scream then as you were on Seinfeld...

Same mannerisms, same edgy walk.

Now you took liberties with your success.

We don't think you are a racist...

We think you are desperado.

You wanted attention after years of trying to climb out of hibernation.

The public is not buying it.

The more you apologize, the more desperate you seem.

Your facial expressions and body language are totally weird.

You are sending signals that you are distorted and a snob.

Wrong move hiring Howard Rubenstein.

You can't buy your way out of this.

Even though the Blacks and the Jews will probably greatly benefit from your big checks -

We want the real Kramer to come forward.

Invite Frank McBride and Kyle Doss to your home.

Smoke Cuban cigars and take a steam bath with them.

Feed them lobsters right off the boat, let them try on your Bro.

And demo a few golf swings.........let them get close to your real soul.

Stop the insanity.

If you give us one more Doe stare on TV...

We are going to climb inside that TV set and smack you in the head...

Or ask Jerry to forever lock his front door, Elaine to shove you down the stairs and

George to pee on you in the gym shower.